Traveling in the Orient in the offseason
Irven "Magic" DeVore, have made a discovery. At a newsstand here, I obtained a document of tremendous importance and implications:
the July issue of the exquisitely bootleggy SHOW TIME magazine, special "BAD BOY BACK" championship edition.
Truly, the Detroit Pistons are Champions of the WORLD: Pistons pictures hang over couches in living-room displays at IKEA Beijing. And here in China, professional-grade basketball is ripe for refinement, cost-conscious engineering, and successful re-importation to the United States. Yao Ming and Laron Profit are only the beginning; we face a global revolution in this game of lanqiu. As Chairman Mao himself said, "The world is progressing, the future is bright, and no one can change this general trend of history."
True! But there is a place too for Wiz in the global marketplace! Magazine treatment shows that not only can ex-Wiz be re-engineered into world-champion Pistons, but they can be retrofitted with authentic CHINESE IDENTITIES. All participants in Detroit's march to global greatness are profiled in SHOW TIME with a minimum of a half page apiece. And each profile includes a specially chosen NEW NAME for the player, fully rendered in the Chinese language!
In the interest of global understanding and after much struggle with dictionaries, I have been able to translate each name back into English.
7 days late and hundreds of dollars short ( just like my pimp told me last night!!!) but I got Later Breaking News!!!
Salieri Jordan, betrayer of Gay Messianic Man everywhere, says in 60 Minutes interview with fellow feeble elderly black male Ed Bradley (matching earrings!!!) that they "used" him and he would never returned to court in 2001 to terrorize small boys with stone hands if he had known that owner Abe Pollin gonna fire his Foul Airness once he wanted to return as team president in order to further run franchise into ground (why Honest Abelton kept on Big Wes for 20 years running into ground we'll never know, but it might have something to do with compromising photos and a soiled adult diaper. JUST SAYIN'!!!).
In Washington Postie article, Mr. Dr. Michael Bruce Lee wrote:
Jordan fully expected to run the basketball team when his playing career ended, but Pollin informed him at a meeting on May 7, 2003, that Pollin was going in a different direction -- a move Jordan said caught him completely off guard. "If that was the case, I obviously wouldn't have gone back to play," Jordan said. "I felt like I played injured, I went through surgery and I did the things that a lot of these youngs did not do."
'SCUSE ME??? Who you trying to fool, Old Man Salieri? I hear your knees and your logic creaking all the way inside this WizzNutzz office sauna where fellow Intern KEn's tortured screams for mercy from a vengeful god are coming thru loud and clear thru the ball-gag and drowning out everything, bitch! Because What makes you think that had you stayed on as President of Courtney Alexander Fan Club that Abelton Poillin wouldn't have fired you anyway? Uh, LEONARD HAMILTON!!! Uh, GARBOT HEARD!!! Uh, HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED? (THINK PINK!!!) Rip Hamilton for a man who loves rubber moistening mascots and scaring up 8-day beach rentals???? FIRED!!!!
And what's this with bragging that "I did the things that a lot of these young kids did not do"??? Because as far as we know all them young kids cheat on their wives with white chicks, too!!!! OR if you Rod Strickland and Chico Debarge, you cheat wit ME!
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